lisbet (aidenraine) wrote,

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I realized again today that I now teach at a deeply weird college. The orientation was a carnival with the VP wearing a waxed handlebar mustache and leading students in a chant of "Hell yeah!" in relation to his questions about whether they'd make a difference (etc).

And apparently the graduation processional is "Walk This Way", played by the university student jazz band.

It's a good thing I didn't know how amazing this school is when I was 18 because much to my parents' chagrin I'm sure, I'd probably have applied. ;) I mean, the students are amazingly talented and motivated and clearly looking for something different. I feel kind of honored to spend a year here! Seriously, am so impressed with this place.

But I'm suffering from dysphoria again. This transition between being a student and being a faculty member is really tough. I mean I've known people who have adjuncted and whatnot, but it's really different to be a full-time member of an institution with all of its service requirements and different sense of position. I worry that I don't behave correctly as a student anymore, that I improperly (and perhaps arrogantly) consider my professors peers. (That's part Quaker education too.) I don't want to offend them, and it doesn't preclude my feeling like I am in an apprentice position to them per se.

It's also hard moving between worlds where I am still the youngest one in the room and worlds where I'm the oldest.
I feel dizzy. Genuinely confused and dizzy.
Tags: school, work
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